When "I shouldn't" becomes "I can't"

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Our lives are all about perspective. We all live in the same world, but your world might be very different from my world depending on your outlook and how you choose to see it. Good things happen to bad people; bad things happen to good people. You experience some trial in your life that can either break you or make you stronger. It all depends on what you do with it. 


I often get questions and comments regarding our food issues... How do you do it all? How do you have the self control? I could never have that kind of willpower. I'd die if I couldn't eat (insert food we avoid; usually wheat). The list goes on and on...

For me, it's not much of a choice. My children are definitely Celiac and although when I got tested myself my numbers weren't high enough to be considered Celiac, I did have the antibodies present; so even if I'm not Celiac (which I say "if" only because the testing was after several years of being gluten free and may not have been an accurate depiction of if I had still been eating wheat daily for years), it's obvious, to me, that my body doesn't like wheat. ...and really, I could've told you that by the way my body reacts to it. I never had the GI symptoms like my children do, but I did have daily pounding headaches for no reason, was irritable ALL the time, had trouble sleeping, went through bouts (as in months) of depression and anxiety, etc. Basically, I eat wheat and turn into a sad/anxious/irritable monster with daily, pounding headaches who is so constantly tired (even when I get plenty of sleep) that I don't want to move from my chair or do much of anything.

After going through all this, wheat is no longer a temptation to me. I know how it affects me and I don't like feeling that way, so I avoid it...even when I'm by myself. The "I shouldn't" that most people are faced with when they're presented with baked goods became an "I can't" in my mind. It doesn't matter if it looks good, I can't have it. It doesn't matter what it smells like, I can't have it. It doesn't matter what it used to taste like, I CAN'T HAVE IT! The choice has been taken away from me. It's no longer my decision. ...and that's actually quite freeing. I don't have to think about it. I don't have to sit there and undergo anxiety to decide if I should or shouldn't eat it. I don't have the remorse or guilt of eating whatever it is/was afterward (because I couldn't and didn't eat it).


So now, I cook a lot more. I don't cheat by eating gluten-filled things when my children aren't around. I just live my life day to day. I don't particularly "like" to cook or "want" to cook every day, but I have to. Again, the choice has been taken from me. With all of my son's issues, we literally can't go out to eat or just pick up something on the way home. Instead of dwelling on how crappy that is, I try to think of the positives about it. We're always eating the best/healthiest foods we can. I like not having to worry about contamination issues (which is a big problem for Celiac's when going out to eat). My children are better behaved. They don't have an angry, tired, easily annoyed and often depressed mother around them 24/7 (which doesn't mean I don't still get angry or tired or annoyed at them...but when I eat wheat, it seems like a constant and daily occurrence from me feeling "blah" all the time). I don't particularly enjoy cooking, but I do want my children to live long and healthy lives. I do want to live to see my own grandchildren...and possibly even my great-grandchildren. I do want what's best for them and myself...even if that means more work for me right now. I've always wanted to eat as healthy as possible and now I've got a really good reason to do so. 


Anyway, I try not to dwell on the things I do; I just do them. If you sit and dwell on it, you start to become unhappy or feel unappreciated...and that doesn't help anyone, least of all you. When my "I shouldn't" became "I can't", it took away a lot of those little nagging feelings and changed my outlook on their Celiac diagnoses. What was once a burden and inconvenience changed into a sort of blessing. It's all about the way to choose to look at it. :)

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